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“NO”…Listen Up!
Creative Commons via stewardshipforlife.org
When we hear the word “no,” how many of us wander away from the conversation without really considering why we just heard that word? The word itself strikes fear among children and even as adults, it is sometimes easier to simply move on than to explore what “no” really means.
A brief conversation this morning reminded me that negative reactions are still engaged reactions.
We often hope that everything we do will be met with positive responses, but a much worse reaction to find is “apathy.” Apathy, by definition, is the “absence of emotion or enthusiasm.” At its core, it simply means that the listener doesn’t care one way or the other about what they are hearing.
We should want people to care. And, rather than discount our naysayers, we should be much more attentive when we find opposition. Consider some of the possible reasons why someone might say “no” to you:
- They can’t afford what you are selling,
- They don’t need what you are offering,
- They don’t understand the full impact or value of the initiative you are advancing,
- They might perceive there is a better alternative,
- They might be feeling that they don’t have a role in the solution,
- They might have priorities which are more important to them than the current proposal,
- They might not feel that anyone is listening to their concern, or
- They might need more information
Regardless of why a person says it, you have an opportunity to explore why with them and better understand their perspective or needs. Until the reason behind a person’s opposition is addressed, you will find it unlikely that they will support your project.
It is also important to never presume you know the reason why. People will give you clues or speak directly about their concerns. And, if you listen and seek to address those concerns in a positive manner, you might just find that person becomes your staunchest supporter because they will learn to trust that you will listen.
“No” shouldn’t be a scary word, but rather is your biggest clue that you might just need to “listen up.”
Against the Herd
Creative Commons via www.mercatornet.com
Social Media is fascinating because it provides a democratic opportunity for all voices to be heard in social debates. It used to be that the prevailing voices were those who could be published in the news media, academic journals or in books.
And, in this emerging media sphere, if you can rally your fans towards a particular cause, the presence that you can have on social media can be quite overwhelming in favor of one opinion over another.
In sociology, this phenomenon is commonly called “Group Think” …eight symptoms of its presence, identified by Irving Janus in 1977, include:
- Illusions of invulnerability creating excessive optimism and encouraging risk taking.
- Rationalizing warnings that might challenge the group’s assumptions.
- Unquestioned belief in the morality of the group, causing members to ignore the consequences of their actions.
- Stereotyping those who are opposed to the group as weak, evil, biased, spiteful, impotent, or stupid.
- Direct pressure to conform placed on any member who questions the group, couched in terms of “disloyalty”.
- Self-censorship of ideas that deviate from the apparent group consensus.
- Illusions of unanimity among group members, silence is viewed as agreement.
- Mind guards — self-appointed members who shield the group from dissenting information.
In the past 6 months, I have personally witnessed three very specific examples of this occurring on Twitter. In each of these scenarios, a dissenting opinion is shared by one person and the following actions are seen in quick succession:
- The twitter stream of supporters reacts loudly with overwhelmingly positive information in favor of the majority,
- The dissenter is identified, belittled and personally attacked,
- Those in the majority “high-five” each other publicly over the attack,
- Others who support the dissenter stay silent publicly, but send direct messages of thanks to the dissenter, and
- The conversation resumes positively in favor of the opinion of the herd.
It’s not easy to be a loner voice when this type of behavior is evident. And, rarely, is the dissenter the first to make a personal attack. They are often sharing a concern, identifying something they are observing or gut-checking their own perceptions of a current situation.
Perhaps it is because social media cheapens the words “friend” and “follower” that we take personally dissenting opinions? Harmful extensions of these behaviors are already seen in the statistics related to cyber-bullying among the younger generation in our schools, resulting in serious public education campaigns aimed at quelling mobbing behaviors that have unintended consequences.
Now, I personally believe that the people involved in all three of the examples I have witnessed are well-meaning people, but it illustrates that even good people can occasionally vilify or attempt to neutralize the voices of perceived opposition.
One of my favorite quotes from Martin Luther King Jr is as follows when he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964: “Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.”
When you see comments that you disagree with online, consider whether your response intends to open or close the dialogue.
Now, I realize that some will argue that I closed the dialogue tonight by choosing to publicly note that I unfollowed several people that were sharing a lot about one particular topic. These people have many followers and likely weren’t even following me back as I am not in their industry. I did share and will say that I have respected each of these folks from afar and learned much about social media and engagement from their activities online.
And, for the past week, I have shared concerns about the current publicity campaign that they are involved in. When I first started seeing information about the release of the new “Surviving Your Serengeti” book, I took the test and even marked the book as one of interest to me as a manager in my profession. However, when I started receiving messages asking if I was part of the “Herd,” I had to say that I wasn’t. It didn’t take long before several “Herd” members clued me into the dynamic marketing campaign that is currently underway among a number of Herd members on Twitter.
What troubled me most today was the volume of tweets that weren’t sparking conversation, but rather flooding my twitter stream with advertising. Yes, I tweeted my concerns and called out the folks that I unfollowed. It wasn’t in any attempt to make myself seem cool. In fact, I’m the first person to admit that I’m a nobody. My follower count is small in comparison to the folks I mentioned. My only hope was to share that I, as a future client and everyday citizen, was concerned by the heavy marketing focus.
My passion is seeing people engage in quality conversation using social media tools. I sincerely hope that as we encounter voices that disagree with us in social spheres that we will respect the concerns without belittling the people.
Conflict over issues can be a good thing as it serves as a crucible to our ideas and thoughts. It is when we seek to squash the people themselves that we risk weakening the civility of our discourse, whether online or in-person.
Are You on Inaccessible Island?
Inaccessible Island, Antarctica, via Wikimedia Creative Commons
This morning one of my blog readers asked me whether I could add an RSS subscription button to my blog. I thought this was a funny question because I had set up email subscription, but unintentionally overlooked real simple syndication feeds.
Now, if you have yet to figure out what RSS feeds are, never fear. Hop on over to YouTube and watch my friends from Common Craft explain an RSS feed in less than 4 minutes. It will save you time if you now actively visit a list of blogs hoping to find new content.
But today’s post isn’t about RSS feeds, it is intended to ask the question of how “accessible” our content is to our readers. There are many different paths that people use to connect with created content. If there was one “yellow brick road,” communication would be easy. However, because everyone individualizes their information gathering methods, it becomes imperative to consider how we incorporate each of these access points when we are communicating with our audiences.
In your communication strategy, is your message distributed to those who….
- Actively visit your site?
- Want to subscribe via email?
- Use real-simple syndication (RSS) & a reader?
- Use social networking sites like Facebook?
- Chat on Twitter?
- In forums online that are related to the topic you are writing about?
- Scan the internet for their news and information?
- Rely on text communication as their primary method of communicating?
- Primarily listen to the radio?
- Watch TV?
- Read magazines & newspapers?
- Sign-up for physical newsletters from organizations?
- Enjoy reading their mail from the U.S. Postal Service?
- Gather in community or faith-based locations to share information informally?
If you are only maintaining a website and hoping people find you, remember you are sitting among a haystack of other communicators who are already being attentive to more than one avenue in their communication strategy. And more importantly, your message may be distributed, but inaccessible to the audience you are seeking.
Consider your target audience, how they receive and gather information and then, ensure that your communication strategy reaches out as effectively as possible. Sometimes enhancing accessibility to an audience can be as easy as adding a widget to a blog like I did this afternoon!
Who Are You?
Creative Commons via SilverSkySolutions on FlicKr
When I meet people, I’ll often say “tell me who you are.” It’s a great conversation-starter and gives me a very quick look into a person’s passions, values and what motivates them uniquely from everyone else.
It’s a question that applies to both individuals and businesses, particularly when developing a communication strategy. If an organization does not know who they are, they will struggle to define what they are seeking to communicate with their audience.
And while I’m quick to ask this question at the beginning of most relationships, I’ve realized recently that it is a question that becomes harder to ask as relationships develop and yet, is at the very core of some struggles and heartache relating to mission and future organizational directions.
We live our values both consciously and unconsciously in just about everything we do. How we prioritize, how we act, who we engage with and how much we share speaks volumes about what is important to us.
Does the man or woman in your mirror reflect the values you authentically aim to live? If you aren’t sure, step through the following set of questions:
- What values are important to you or your business? Brainstorm a list of 3-4 key words that you wish to be reflective of your life or your organization.
- When people think of you or your company, what do you want them to remember about you?
- Do your current behaviors or company’s reputation illustrate those values?
- Is how you or your organization currently engages with others authentic or a shell of what you want people to see?
Ultimately, who are you?
If you can answer this question in a reflective and sincere manner, a number of answers will become crystal clear about your path, your communication strategy and your future.
A Cause for Silence
Creative Commons via suite101.com
Over the past few days, a widespread meme has taken over a number of profile pictures on Facebook. And while seemingly harmless enough, it made me angry.
People changed their profile pictures to cartoon characters in order to “raise awareness of child abuse.” My struggle with this action, and most of the internet-based meme’s, is that people follow along and never question whether their action actually positively contributes to the cause it is associated with.
In the past few posts, I have spoken about living intentionally and being accountable for pain that you cause. But what if that pain was outside of your control and you are the victim?
The truth is that victims ever only manage their pain. Pain is stuffed into the crevices of time and space in an attempt to feel normal. But certain experiences, sights, smells, words or memories will bring the pain quickly back to the surface as if the original situation had just occurred.
As a community, we struggle with victimization and do our best to ignore it. At our best, we join causes, contribute time and money towards agencies and organizations that are working hard to solve the “issues.” But sometimes we join causes, like the Facebook meme, without really considering whether it will even have an impact.
Now, hopefully this meme was harmless, but let me ask you a few questions:
- How would you feel if a victim of abuse felt that this “cause” trivialized their abuse?
- What if a child perceives that adults are making fun of abuse issues?
- What if a victim saw their abuser with a cartoon avatar on Facebook along with other people he or she thought they could trust?
- What if a cartoon character triggered the pain of being a victim all over again?
Now, I know I will hear from people who tell me to simply lighten up and that this was a fun weekend for changing profile pictures. But the reality is that 5 children die every day as a result of child abuse. It is important that we take action to eliminate the cultural silence that surrounds being a victim.
It has to be okay to feel pain.
One of my favorite Bible verses is Romans 12:15 which says “Rejoice with them that rejoice and weep with them who weep.”
How much good could have been done this weekend if the Facebook Meme had encouraged adults to stand out and identify themselves as victims of abuse? In an open conversation on Twitter this afternoon about this very topic, I shared that I was a victim. Since that conversation, 3 others have stepped forward to chat privately with me about their personal pain.
I wonder how many people with cartoon avatars received similar outreach.
Kiss Me
Sometimes we can be so close to a situation that we forget to kiss or at least remember the concept of “Keeping It Simple, Stupid!”
I sit in a lot of briefings as an audience member and I am always intrigued at the level of information that the speaker presumes the audience member has.
The more detailed or technology-focused the initiative is, the more prone the speaker seems to be to make bad assumptions of their audience.
I’ll never forget observing a 20-minute briefing about Yahoo Pipes and how to use real-simple syndication to develop a personalized stream of incoming data. And after the detailed briefing, the first question asked was “what is an RSS feed?”
Most audiences include people with varying types of technical ability. Those with significant technical expertise are often so close to their subject matter that they lose sight of some of the most obvious questions that those who have never touched the topic area may seriously be struggling with.
It’s not enough to provide all of the narrative data to support your topic area. The information shared must be transmitted in a way that is simple, clear and easily understood to someone who doesn’t study your topic all day long.
Effective use of the following tools are key:
- One-page summaries with diagrams or pictures
- Brochures to explain process, user tips or lessons learned
- Short video clips
- Questions posed to elicit answers from audience members
As an emergency manager, I deal with many different topics in a day. I can literally have back-to-back meetings all day long on everything from flooding to terrorism. The beauty of my job is that it is very diverse, but the tragedy of my job is that I don’t ever get to delve into a topic very deeply. It is often people in positions like mine who are called upon to make key investments or policy-level decisions that can influence the way a government and community operates.
Today’s lesson: If you are a presenter, be mindful of your proximity to the subject matter. And remember, the further away an audience member is from the topic under discussion in their daily world, the more simple the presentation must be.
Which is why, at the end of the day, I say “kiss me.”
Life as a Sales Target
There are days where I feel that I have a dollar sign literally branded on my forehead where I am treated as a “target” which must be “closed in a timely fashion.”
I hate it.
There is nothing that will make me run faster from a conversation than when I realize that I’m being “pitched” something. The truth of the matter is if I’m looking for a product or service, I will reach out and conduct a search of the marketplace.
Here are a couple of rules of thumb that I use when searching:
- Who do I trust to give me a good referral?
- Who do my friends trust based on their experiences?
- Who listens to me when I describe my needs?
- Who will tell me they AREN’T the right person for the job?
All to often, I encounter salespeople who are stuck in the following habits…
- Enter into business-conversation immediately: Hint: Telling me that you think we have “relationship potential” in the first email or message is an instant turn-off. Just like any good dating scenario, that’s like saying “I love you” way before it’s time.
- Don’t listen to a word I have to say: Some people, like me, are pretty transparent. It helps to do just a little research about who you are reaching out to. One funny conversations I had recently involved a vendor who believed I was the director of animal control services. And, despite my repeated denials, insisted I needed some pet-sheltering supplies.
- Don’t have a clue what my needs are: There are many reasons why people might initiate conversation with you. And, often, it will have NOTHING to do with the business you are in. Remember, you risk losing my interest as soon as your reply makes your business the answer to every question that I ask.
Here are a couple of tips from someone who hates feeling like a sales target:
- Be visible in the online marketplace: If you have a good service or product, be able to be found easily.
- Listen to people: You might be surprised at how much people will share when you take the focus off your business and listen to what other people are saying or are talking about.
- Be authentic: Communication is a 2-way street. Ask yourself, am I always talking about my business? A real relationship is never solely about business. Someone who truly cares about a long-term client will get to know more than their just their paper needs.
All I ask is that we be real with each other. Replace the “Always Be Closing” letters of salesmanship with “Assess, Build Relationships, and Care” and you’ll be so much closer to having some of the most loyal customers on the planet.
D5 Creation