Authentic Voice
now browsing by category
Magical Moments
If you know me, you have probably teased me at some point about my level of engagement with social media. And, as a girl who writes for 6 blogs and has presence in about 30 different social media spheres, I’d be the first to laugh and utter the first of 12 steps of my happy addiction.
But I want to share with you what social media does for me….it allows me to get to know people before ever seeing them face to face. Through quips and conversation, I can nearly immediately tell if I will be life-long friends with someone or if I will be far too intense for where they are at in life. I can tell if we share the same values, are heading the same direction or if we will argue endlessly about whether we prefer Pepsi or Coke.
In short, before we exchange business cards, I can already admire you for the person you are and the values that you hold dear.
You see, as an emergency manager, I’m often told “exchange the business cards before you have your next disaster” and while you’ll catch me saying it, too, I find that even just exchanging cards is too limiting for me. Sure, I might call on your business or agency if I remember when or how I met you, but the reality is, for every 200 business cards, I receive, I eliminate 195 of those contacts out of my directory every year.
It’s the people that I get to know that I keep close. It’s the people we get to know behind the business card that matters. Do we trust them? Can we figure them out? Can we know that they won’t seek an opportunity to step on us to get ahead?
In the past 4 years, I’ve gotten to know a lot of people online first. In some cases, I’ve spoken with people so regularly that others find it shocking that we’ve never met “in real life.” How is that possible, I am asked? “You speak with such similar voices, have worked on so many projects and your names are synonymous with so much.” I often shrug and reply, “Despite having never met, we share a respect for each other that is tangible and real.”
And while I realize I have friends online that I may never meet, it is always a joy to meet someone that I’ve previously known virtually. Prior to this past week, I had met about 90 people online first and then in real life….and in this past week alone, I had the pleasure of meeting 24 of my long-time Twitter friends. And rather than spend any time “introducing” ourselves, we easily identified each other, greeted each other with warm hugs and continued many conversations with the professional and personal excitement that we had previously shared online.
Now I am someone who generally prefers one-on-one conversation to group chats. And if you watch me work a room at a tweetup or social event, I strive to have as many one-on-one conversations as I can even when others are around. Relating to people personally that I already admire becomes magical and real.
About 15 years ago, I married my childhood sweetheart. At our wedding reception, my maid of honor gave a toast that brought me to tears about the story of the Velveteen Rabbit. After reading the following selection from the story, she shared that time and love are what make us real to each other.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Connecting with people over social media allows us to get to know each other “bit by bit.” It confirms behavior expectations, shows evidence of values and allows us to laugh and love ever before we finally meet that person in real life. If you aren’t compelled to meet those folks that you follow and already admire, may I suggest reevaluating your engagement strategy?
Now I realize that some of you may still be using social media to “watch the news” and while you may not consider developing “relationships” with your news anchors, you’ll likely begin to find yourself following other voices of those in your profession, local community or for a variety of other reasons. Consider why you follow certain voices, what your friends or followers share with you and whether you are open enough to the possibility that you could be real to someone else. Don’t miss out on those opportunities for fresh perspectives, great ideas and some amazing “new” friends!
Are You Putting the “ME” in Team?
Creative Commons via jroller.com
Surely you’ve heard the saying “There is no “I” in team” before. And while there is no specific letter “I” in team, people often dread group projects because of team dynamics.
We’ve probably all sat on one or more teams where either the team got stuck in the storming phase and little was accomplished because personalities clashed regularly or the team never made it out of the forming stage in which to preserve the relationships, they never addressed key communication issues and a smaller percentage of the team accomplished most of the work.
The tricky thing about group dynamics is that they rely on trust which has to be both given and received. In a way, it’s kinda like Twitter, where life is “double opt-in.” It is not enough for a team member to give trust to others. They must, through good communication and achievement of goals, earn trust from those they work with.
But before you can get into a smooth rhythm of team-based work, there are a few things that must be put into place first.
- All members of a well-functioning group must have clear communications about each other’s strengths, skill sets, roles and responsibilities. This ensures that team assignments can be best matched to the skill sets of the team members which can illustrate trust and respect early on in a project.
- Roles should be agreed upon at all levels. This is particularly true of team leadership, if the leader has not been selected or assigned through a formal process. If some, but not all members in a group believes that the group is running on a consensus model where all members bear equal decision-making authority, this can result in significant confusion. There may also be different definitions of what “leadership” truly means in any group. Clarifying expectations among team members can also become more important than you might initially presume.
- The process for decision-making must be agreed upon or clearly spelled out. Conflict is natural and should be encouraged on any good team so that ideas can run through a crucible and end up better for working their way through the group. However, how the group achieves consensus or makes decisions are key to results which the team can live with (even if they ultimately disagree with the decision made).
- When communications falter or needs arise, there must be a clear process for conflict resolution among the team members. Without a clear process for resolving conflict, a team will break down when it comes to trust.
The value in groups is that, collectively, they can accomplish much more when they are functioning well. When teams break down, however, they can become difficult to manage and result in long-term relationship damage that can ultimately harm your brand or agency. Keep your team together by ensuring these basic issues are clear for all involved.
What You Put Out Into the World Matters
Creative Commons via SpeedofCreativity.org
When you are commenting on a social media platform, you have the ability to say anything. And the ability to share openly can be a power that comes laced with a two-edged sword. The speed of social media allows you to consume information and judge the content or the person who shares it in an instant.
This past week, I saw individuals and groups attacked. I saw people respond and wish to respond in ways that made me wish to see the Twitter Fail Whale show up just to give us all some extra time and space to minimize the emotional replies.
Last night, I watched the Ides of March which was a fascinating political movie which explores choices and affiliations that are made. And without spoiling the movie for you, I was struck by the quote at the end of the movie where the narrator says “What you put out into the world matters.”
If that message wasn’t strong enough, the sermon in church today was about character and integrity. We were encouraged to realize that character is not what you believe, but how you live your beliefs when no one is looking that matters. In a heartbeat, you can destroy a reputation that you spent years building.
This is especially true in social media. If you have little to no reputation and begin attacking others, you may create a reputation that will harm yourself for a long time. If you share awesome content, help people and build a great reputation, your close network may ask if you’re having a tough day, but will likely forgive some errant tweets. To those who don’t know you, however, you risk creating barriers with folks you don’t yet know.
Basic Communication Rules can be found in the famous Robert Fulghum Poem “All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten.” I think it bears reading today and consider if we have truly learned these lessons based on how we communicate online:
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Occupying a Message
Creative Commons via neontommy.com
I have been watching the Occupy Wall Street activities with great fascination across the nation as a sociologist. And, while I empathize with the frustration that many have about how broken certain aspects of society are, I am most struck by the curiosity of whether or not presence in public parks or assembly, by its nature, will evoke change in our communities.
When this event spread across the nation on October 6th, the initial messages were about economic inequality and the control of wealth by the 1%. Unfortunately, the media coverage and the on-going messages seem now to centralize on whether police and parks agencies will enforce local laws and ordinances and whether anyone will capture episodes of police brutality on video. There is little focus on how the problem of economic inequalities can be resolved.
The message has been lost, despite significant media focus.
There is an important lesson that can be applied to any agency, based on this movement. Just because you have a presence on the internet or in a storefront, doesn’t mean your audience knows what you stand for. Your message and mission must be clear to those who are interested and even those who pass you by on occasion.
If your message to the community becomes diluted, your goals won’t be achieved even if you have the attention of the media or use social media. Stay on task, be clear about the mission of the business you represent and resist the urge to just exist.
Don’t just occupy a space. Use your platform to define, create, and achieve the goals which ignited your passion and dreams in the first place. Otherwise, you are just noise.
The Right Reasons
Creative Commons via tvtropes.org
Recently, I have been reflecting a lot on my motivations for engaging in certain areas of my life. The basic question comes down to this:
- Why do we do the things that we do?
Sometimes we start certain projects, initiatives or relationships because we are passionate about the goal, outcome or what we hope to achieve. And, over time, that passion can be easily overtaken by feelings of obligation. What we used to “enjoy” doing becomes a habit or other things simply become more important.
Now, you may be wondering if I’m describing the “shiny object distraction” theory. You know, the theory that says the grass will always be greener on the other side or the fact that whatever you are playing with now will soon be overshadowed by a cooler, shinier, brighter object to play with.
In fact, I am not trying to sell you on the new toy, but rather the idea of examining your motivations behind the daily choices that you make to engage or not engage in what you do. When you feel tired, unmotivated or non-committal, it’s time to step back and assess the “why” behind the “what.”
For me personally, the following triggers are key indicators that I’m involved in something that I should reevaluate:
- Feeling unable to contribute or being unsure of where I fit in,
- Disagreement on long-term goals or outcomes of a situation or project,
- Lack of relationships or empathy among participants, or
- Feeling that I’m acting more out of obligation than desire.
Now, these aren’t the reasons for why we act, but rather give insight as to when we should ask ourselves the “why” question and perhaps reconsider whether there is another path or way to hearken back to our original motivation and inspiration.
The application for this thought is far-reaching across many different scenarios from your career choice to your volunteer opportunities. Consider the difference between an inspired employee and those just punching the clock. The same consideration can be seen online, too, for agencies who care about their presence in social media and those who are just programming a few tweets or completing an obligatory post.
One of my favorite movies is the Dead Poets Society with the following exchange between Mr. Keating (played by Robin Williams) and his students:
[Keating stands on his desk]
John Keating: Why do I stand up here? Anybody?
Dalton: To feel taller!
John Keating: No!
[Dings a bell with his foot]
John Keating: Thank you for playing Mr. Dalton. I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way.
Is your vision stuck, are you growing habitual or are you walking through the motions of a certain relationship without inspiration? If so, take a moment to ask yourself what inspired you early on in the project and if you can rediscover that original love. Something got your attention when you first committed. Evaluate your motivations, write them down on a sticky note so that you can remember when times grow tough and be sure that you’re choosing what you do for all the right reasons.
What Do You Hold Onto?
Creative Commons via Wokka on FlicKr
Today, my team embarked upon an ambitious office project in my emergency management program: clearing out years of stored paperwork.
As a public agency, we are attentive to the state’s archiving requirements which cause us to retain about 7 years worth of records; however, it is not unusual to find documents in my office that are about 15-16 years old.
Despite promises of a paperless society, it is easy to retain paper even when you also have electronic copies of the same document. As projects conclude and are printed in booklet formats or placed into 3-ring binders, they find their home on a shelf and are rarely called into service again.
This caused me to consider something particular tonight. By nature, we are a culture of collectors. We collect paper, pictures and objects because at some point in our lives, they defined a special memory or something we desired to hold on to. Often, we use the excuse “I’ll use it later” or “I’ll reread that someday.”
One of the unintended consequences, however, of clutter is that it makes us forget what we have. When we hoard or hold onto things that are really unnecessary, we hide the significance of what is really special. Next time you find yourself sitting in your office or home, I challenge you to consider these two questions:
- How do the things you hold onto define who you are?
- Is your life cluttered with things that don’t really matter?
And because I like to chat about digital life as well, the “things” may not all be on paper. Consider the files on your computer or, in the realm of social media, your fans, friends and followers. Do you save things or follow people because they are special or because you are collecting?
Spend some time this week clearing out the unnecessary, the noise, the papers that mean nothing. And you’ll be able to better appreciate both what you have and who you share it with.
Living Intentionally
Creative Commons via www.jinxiboo.com
How often do you ask yourself why you do what you do?
Life has a funny way of trapping us quickly into habits and assumptions that we may not choose to question for years.
We seek promotions at work, self-improvement of our health or finances, polishing the resume and “keeping up with our peers” because it just seems to be the “right thing to do.” But is it?
How often do we examine the motive behind our actions? Do we spend time doing things because it’s always “been done that way” or because it is what society expects us to do?
Today, I was faced with a number of situations which begged my examination of this very question. We advise our children on the dangers of peer pressure and yet, we feel compelled to join the groupthink and jump on bandwagons when it seems the popular thing to do.
It is much harder to hold ourselves personally accountable for our actions and question whether our motives are pure reflections of our values and whether our choices are intentional. For when we follow others, it gives us someone to blame when we become uncomfortable with that choice.
When you live intentionally and connect your actions with their motives, you will see a life that is fully inspired by your values. You can waste a lot of years in mindless actions, reactions and choices if you never ask yourself the all important question of “why.”
What Drives You?
There are certain days I wonder how many people truly knows what this word means. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines passion as an intense, driving or overmastering feeling or conviction.
Do we look at each day as an opportunity to improve our communities? Do we take advantage of moments to engage with others in an authentic give and take where we seek to draw out the best in others? Do we give our all on projects, even when the return might be less than our original investment?
At the end of the day, do we live in such a way that what we’re passionate about is easily evident to others? If you’re not sure, ask someone you trust their perceptions about what you’re passionate about. Their answer might be more revealing than you realize.
D5 Creation